One Year Ago

One year ago I sent out my first e-mail regarding James.
One year ago we had just arrived home from our first of many hospital stays.
One year ago we had no idea what a long year we had ahead of us.
One year ago ...

It sure seems like more then a year ago. As I look at pictures of our little guy's first hospital stay I'm reminded of how much he has grown up in the last year. Iwas also reminded of that yesterday when I happened to pass by the playroom in the hospital, and with a few minutes to spare before meeting Rob, we stopped to play. It was neat to see how James' play habits have changed since the last time he spent time in the playroom. His last two hospital stays were spent in isolation, so he has not been in there since the end of August. But his memory is good, because he quickly became concerned: "uh-oh, uh-oh", while pointing: they had rearranged the room and moved things around. But not to worry, he had no trouble finding his favourite toys ... his ride-on car that he flies down the ramp on (at a much faster and more carefree pace then previously) and the train table.

I was really struck by how much he's grown up and how thankful I can be for how healthy he is all things considering ... which the doctor was also impressed with yesterday when he checked him over and pointed out that he has the appropriate fat and muscles for his size and looks healthy. As we go through each stage and each new battle it's so easy to forget what the past held. I'm glad for the old e-mails and blog to refresh my memory ... altho nothing can stop me from remember how sick he seemed the first visits to the hospital and how he cried and cried and cried for hours and hours and hours. How I walked and walked and walked and tried everything ... including crying myself. It makes me feel like crying just thinking about it. What pain he must have been in! I want to cry even more when I realize how much damage we did to our little guy from the time we realized something was wrong to the time we found out the diagnosis. We did all the things we shouldn't have, without realizing it. We put him on high calorie foods and formulas ... all of them equally high protein ... and we tried to pump this stuff into him so he would gain weight. He was already so sick because of too much protein and we made it so much worse ... no wonder he cried and cried and cried. Poor guy!! If we had known sooner there is a very high chance he would not have colitis now ... all the signs of colitis showed up after we started pumping the high calorie formulas into him. Whenever I think about it I want to pick him up and hug him and tell him how sorry I am. I know ... we didn't do it on purpose, we couldn't have know ... but oh, if only we had.

But our little trooper has come through this year looking healthy and like a typical two year old. Although he will have to deal with LPI for the rest of his life, we continue to remain thankful that it was not cancer that was found. We also continue to pray that as the year moves forward and the puzzle pieces continue to fall into place, that the road will become easier. God has given us much to deal with, but he has also given us the strength to cope and to remain focused on Him. He is our refuge. He does shield us from despair. For this we give thanks and praise, and that He also provides some friends and family to share a portion of this burden for us and with us.